My mom & I September 1979
As I reflect on this weekend I would venture to say that motherhood is a little bitter & a whole lot of sweet. Let me enlighten you on the events that have led me to this conclusion. All weekend long my kids have been a little less than cheerful. Sometimes even downright grumpy. While cooking dinner last night I was met with this from my youngest. Mind you she is only two & a half.
Aris:: Mommy you need to leave this house!
Me:: Why?
Aris:: Because I need to find a new mommy for my daddy.
Me:: You don't want me for a mommy anymore?
Aris:: No! I need to find a new one!
Me:: Well I will be awfully sad if I have to leave.
Aris:: You need to leave.
So I told her goodbye & that I hoped she could find a better mommy very soon. Then I walked out the back door. As soon as I left I could hear the crying inside. Immediate tears & sobbing. I walked around to the front door where I was going to wait a few more minutes before I went inside but my heart couldn't take it any longer. I walked in on a sobbing & trembling little girl with her fingers in her mouth. This is what happened next.
Aris:: Mommy, never leave me!
Me:: Oh my sweet little Aris, I never will. You will always be my little girl. I love you too much. Even if I am ever far away, I will still be your mommy.
When I became a mom I never thought I would have so many tough decisions to make. Hard decisions. Always with the hope that these tough choices I make will benefit my little ones. Going though times like these, I am often reminded of hard choices my own mother made when I was young. I feel I finally have a small understanding of the sacrifice it takes to be a parent. Sometimes I feel as if I'm treading water. Other times I'm on cloud 9. This weekend I felt like I could barely keep my head above the waves, my heart filled with self doubt at this job called "Mom".
Then a crazy thing happened. All three of my children woke up this morning with runny noses & coughs. There was an explanation for all the grumpiness over the last few days. Never have I been so happy to see boogers. Now it all made sense. When the kids are sick they always want me to give them a little more attention. They wanted their mom. I got to snuggle Aris up all through sacrament meeting. When we came home Zoe sang a song over & over again about mother dear & her happy smiling face. Sloan helped to clean her room. Best of all my sweet husband fixed a lovely dinner & had flowers waiting for me when we came home from church. He always makes me feel so special as a wife & a mother. So I wasn't such a terrible mom. No one wanted to trade me in for a new model. They all still loved me and the best part was they needed me.
I know without the bitter moments of motherhood I would not be able to treasure the sweet moments that come along with it. Some of these bitter moments shake me right down to the bone. Leave me questioning why I was ever entrusted with these little ones. I worry that they will grow up to resent or begrudge me. Then I am reminded by the sweet arms of my children that this is what I'm meant to be doing. That sometimes being mom isn't all about fun & games. And I know with all my heart that there is no greater calling in this life than that of a mother. I am so grateful for a loving Great Grandmother that taught my Grandmother to be the sweet person she is. I'm thankful that she in turn raised a wonderful daughter who I can call my mom. I'm grateful for the chance to now take my turn at trying to be the best mother I can be. And I am hopeful that someday my daughters will carry on the grand tradition of motherhood. Hopefully with a little more grace than I have.
I'll take all aspects of motherhood, even the ones I never knew would be a part of this crazy ride called "Mom". Yes I'll even take the bitter with the sweet. Happy Mothers Day to all the sweet mothers in my life.
