Best News Ever!

We're Moving!

Today our agent's assistant dropped off the key to our new home. This is the most exciting news. These last few weeks have been a little stressful to say the least. Although I didn't talk too much about the process of getting our new home, word spreads. I was just hitting the stage where people were asking the same question we were, "When are you getting your home?"

If you could get past the dark circles under my eyes, the piles of laundry & all the dust bunnies having a party under my furniture (see post below) you would see how truly excited I really am. Just a little too large to jump up and down at the moment.

I think this is a real blessing in disguise. These next two weeks will be filled with packing and moving. It will help to keep my mind off of my ever growing belly, indigestion, & the impending "due date". Let's just say that our prayers have been answered. We will finally have some room to raise our growing family. Can't wait to share the new place with you very soon.

P.S. Hope you enjoy the peppy new song I added to the play list. Thanks Zana for the song. I almost skipped around the house when I listened to it for the first time. Almost ;)

Finally Home

Summer of 2008

I'm behind on everything right now. The laundry sits in sloppy piles on not one but both living room chairs. The dishes are piled in both sides of the sink. Clean dishes waiting patiently in the dishwasher, hoping to be put away very soon. There is a giant pile of toys on the girls floor. Blankets everywhere. The dust bunnies are having a party under the furniture. The bags under my eyes are big enough to carry enough luggage for a two week trip. Yes I'm that tired. But we are home! No matter how messy the house is, we are home.

I took Sloan into her Pediatricians office on Monday because her ears and throat were bothering her. She was also experiencing severe abdominal pain. The Dr. sent her to the ER for some further tests. They really weren't sure what was going on. Suspected a UTI but wanted to make sure it wasn't an appendicitis. One cat scan & ultrasound later with numerous blood tests taken and antibiotics given she was released this morning. The specialist feels it might be gallbladder related but because she wasn't in as much pain today they waited on running any further tests. Because her bowels were inflamed they think it could be gastritis. I'm super happy to be home but a little frustrated too. Frustrated because she is still feeling crummy. Sloan wanted to go home so badly that she said she felt fine. I told her a few minutes ago that she will just have to deal with her tummy pain for the next two weeks until she visits the specialist. Can you sense my agitation with this whole situation? I feel like the last 4 days were a total waste of every ones time & now we are back at square one. No answers of why she has been having tummy pain on & off for years now. No real answers to what was really going on. I am grateful for the fact that so many people were praying for her. I'm grateful that it wasn't something serious. And I will be praying that the specialist can figure out what's really going on at her next visit.

So I'm heading down for a much needed nap. I'm a little grouchy at the moment (in case you couldn't tell). When I wake up I'll take out my frustrations on this messy house. It should sparkle like a diamond when I'm done.

Motherhood::The Bitter With the Sweet

My mom & I September 1979

As I reflect on this weekend I would venture to say that motherhood is a little bitter & a whole lot of sweet. Let me enlighten you on the events that have led me to this conclusion. All weekend long my kids have been a little less than cheerful. Sometimes even downright grumpy. While cooking dinner last night I was met with this from my youngest. Mind you she is only two & a half.

Aris:: Mommy you need to leave this house!

Me:: Why?

Aris:: Because I need to find a new mommy for my daddy.

Me:: You don't want me for a mommy anymore?

Aris:: No! I need to find a new one!

Me:: Well I will be awfully sad if I have to leave.

Aris:: You need to leave.

So I told her goodbye & that I hoped she could find a better mommy very soon. Then I walked out the back door. As soon as I left I could hear the crying inside. Immediate tears & sobbing. I walked around to the front door where I was going to wait a few more minutes before I went inside but my heart couldn't take it any longer. I walked in on a sobbing & trembling little girl with her fingers in her mouth. This is what happened next.

Aris:: Mommy, never leave me!

Me:: Oh my sweet little Aris, I never will. You will always be my little girl. I love you too much. Even if I am ever far away, I will still be your mommy.

When I became a mom I never thought I would have so many tough decisions to make. Hard decisions. Always with the hope that these tough choices I make will benefit my little ones. Going though times like these, I am often reminded of hard choices my own mother made when I was young. I feel I finally have a small understanding of the sacrifice it takes to be a parent. Sometimes I feel as if I'm treading water. Other times I'm on cloud 9. This weekend I felt like I could barely keep my head above the waves, my heart filled with self doubt at this job called "Mom".

Then a crazy thing happened. All three of my children woke up this morning with runny noses & coughs. There was an explanation for all the grumpiness over the last few days. Never have I been so happy to see boogers. Now it all made sense. When the kids are sick they always want me to give them a little more attention. They wanted their mom. I got to snuggle Aris up all through sacrament meeting. When we came home Zoe sang a song over & over again about mother dear & her happy smiling face. Sloan helped to clean her room. Best of all my sweet husband fixed a lovely dinner & had flowers waiting for me when we came home from church. He always makes me feel so special as a wife & a mother. So I wasn't such a terrible mom. No one wanted to trade me in for a new model. They all still loved me and the best part was they needed me.

I know without the bitter moments of motherhood I would not be able to treasure the sweet moments that come along with it. Some of these bitter moments shake me right down to the bone. Leave me questioning why I was ever entrusted with these little ones. I worry that they will grow up to resent or begrudge me. Then I am reminded by the sweet arms of my children that this is what I'm meant to be doing. That sometimes being mom isn't all about fun & games. And I know with all my heart that there is no greater calling in this life than that of a mother. I am so grateful for a loving Great Grandmother that taught my Grandmother to be the sweet person she is. I'm thankful that she in turn raised a wonderful daughter who I can call my mom. I'm grateful for the chance to now take my turn at trying to be the best mother I can be. And I am hopeful that someday my daughters will carry on the grand tradition of motherhood. Hopefully with a little more grace than I have.

I'll take all aspects of motherhood, even the ones I never knew would be a part of this crazy ride called "Mom". Yes I'll even take the bitter with the sweet. Happy Mothers Day to all the sweet mothers in my life.

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Spring Illustration

Anytime I start a project my workspace looks like this. It's a huge mess of scraps of tiny paper, backs from tape & other tools used to make an illustration. Since I don't have a studio each time I am finished the project must be cleaned up before the day starts.

If not all these tiny pieces will be scattered across the floor. Little hands have a hard time resisting bits & bobbles.

The finished illustration. One day soon (I hope) I will have a space to spread out. A place I won't have to clean up after every work session. One where little hands won't be so tempted to disturb the little piles of whatnots. You know, a space where I can work that isn't in the middle of the living room or the kitchen table. Dean told me that even if I had a studio I won't work in it. I disagree with him on this matter. I did however explain my plans to set up an art area for the kids & a soft sofa with an area to watch movies if they feel so inclined. The sofa would have lots of softy pillows and a few quilts so they can snuggle up if they please. Dean is right, I will want to be close to my little ones. One day my little studio will be a reality. Until then I'll just keep working & dreaming. That is after all how dreams come true, right?