Be Still My Beating Heart

Sometimes my heart still skips a beat when I think of him

I get that ache in my heart when he's working far from home for a week or more. The same ache I get at the thought that had things not have happened the way they did::

a short marriage to a very dishonest person

a divorce

bankruptcy

heartache

to embarrassed to come back to my hometown a failure

moving to Reno

the kindness of my aunt & uncle letting Sloan & I live with them for a few months

me getting a job as an assistant interior designer

in Incline Village up at Lake Tahoe

having a boss that loved me like a daughter

believed in me when I didn't believe in myself

introduced me to Vern who was the contractor for all our jobs

Dean was his right hand man

Vern set Dean up on a date with me without even asking him first

On our first date we all went to the Lake

we hopped from rock to rock

he offered his hand for one of the bigger jumps

I remember thinking as I took his hand that I could feel safe forever in those hands

& then I thought that was a little crazy

I can't imagine how empty my life would feel if we had never met. Our marriage isn't perfect but it's perfect for us. We have so much fun together as a couple & a family. I laugh every day because of him.

I know that Dean came into my life for a reason. I pray everyday & give thanks for him in my life. I love him, every part. I feel like the luckiest girl, that I am the one who gets to share my life with him. Sloan & I were talking the other day about how much her and Aris look alike. Sloans father & I , although friends, we never married. I told her that most people think Dean is her real dad. She resembles him. She told me something I will never forget, "Mom I think God knew, I think he knew that Dean would one day be my dad & that is why I look so much like him".

Sloan I know you are right.

With all my heart.