Our house looks like this right now. The whole house. Piles of unwashed laundry. Piles of folded clothes. Piles of unfolded clean clothes. Unswept floors. Dirty dishes. Since I started this post I've almost gotten it under control. It's starting to feel almost normal again.
I woke up on Wednesday morning with a heavy heart & a sense of pure chaos filling my soul. How is it that I can go along for weeks at a time, months even, where everything is happy & fine. The house looks lovely. Kids are bathed & dressed accordingly. Happy little home. Then bam! It all changes in an instant. How is it that two weeks of sickness in our home can cause such untidiness? That two ear infections, a puking baby, lack of a good night sleep in months can finally send me over the edge? What was it that pushed my every last button? Why now & not then? So I had a good cry. Most of Wednesday morning. I let it all out. Sobbed even. I cried when talking to pretty much anyone that morning. It didn't matter who they were or what they were calling about. It made me cry. I even questioned my own sanity. Seriously Summer? I have my rough days like anyone else but it was getting a little silly. I started in on the pity party. Naming all the things in my head that are wrong with my life, no friends....check! Sick kids.....check! I'm fat.....check! The house is dirty.....check! I miss my family.....check! The list goes on (I won't bore you) It was so bad a found myself praying. I felt the only person that would really understand what my heart was feeling was my Heavenly Father. I asked him for help. Please just help me to know I can get through this day. Then the craziest thing happened. My day went from bad to worse. I took my Sloanie to the Dr. & when we got home Omri had thrown up again. Only now his hands & feet were turning blue. I quickly called urgent care where they said go straight to the ER. So we did & I cried the whole way there. I called my dad & he prayed with me over the phone. I called my best friend & she said prayers for us. I prayed too. I don't think I've ever been that scared. Scared that my sweet little baby would stop breathing or that something horrible was wrong with him. The ER got us in right away. The Dr was amazing with Omri. She explained that she has seen this a few times before & although it should always be taken serious (especially if you have any worry at all) it can happen to some babies. A sweet friend called and I explained what was happening, she brought me food & stayed with us almost the whole time we were in the ER. I didn't ask her to, she just chose to do that. It meant the world to me. Thankfully we were able to go home that evening. He has still had episodes of bluish hands & feet & he is still feeling crappy & on his 3rd antibiotic but he's okay. I couldn't be more grateful. Grateful for family, friends, prayers, & modern medicine. Mostly grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows what I need personally. He knows me. He knows me! How huge is that? He knows us all & loves us all. I'm also grateful to know I'm not crazy. Nope. Yesterday brought a monthly gift that reassured me I didn't need a straitjacket. Just some Midol.