Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Be Still My Beating Heart

Sometimes my heart still skips a beat when I think of him

I get that ache in my heart when he's working far from home for a week or more. The same ache I get at the thought that had things not have happened the way they did::

a short marriage to a very dishonest person
a divorce
to embarrassed to come back to my hometown a failure
moving to Reno
the kindness of my aunt & uncle letting Sloan & I live with them for a few months
me getting a job as an assistant interior designer
in Incline Village up at Lake Tahoe
having a boss that loved me like a daughter
believed in me when I didn't believe in myself
introduced me to Vern who was the contractor for all our jobs
Dean was his right hand man
Vern set Dean up on a date with me without even asking him first
On our first date we all went to the Lake
we hopped from rock to rock
he offered his hand for one of the bigger jumps
I remember thinking as I took his hand that I could feel safe forever in those hands
& then I thought that was a little crazy

I can't imagine how empty my life would feel if we had never met. Our marriage isn't perfect but it's perfect for us. We have so much fun together as a couple & a family. I laugh every day because of him.

I know that Dean came into my life for a reason. I pray everyday & give thanks for him in my life. I love him, every part. I feel like the luckiest girl, that I am the one who gets to share my life with him. Sloan & I were talking the other day about how much her and Aris look alike. Sloans father & I , although friends, we never married. I told her that most people think Dean is her real dad. She resembles him. She told me something I will never forget, "Mom I think God knew, I think he knew that Dean would one day be my dad & that is why I look so much like him".

Sloan I know you are right.

With all my heart.


I'm 9 going on 19.......seriously.......

Here's what I'm up to these days

I love to sing & I'm learning to play the piano
I pack my own school lunch & calibrate my carbs
I try to help out when it's convenient ;)
I am strong willed
I have big dreams
I'm very expressive when reading
Favorite book right now is "Percey Jackson & the Olympians"
I just got my first training bras (this has been a huge deal, she feels so cool)
I am on a new insulin but wish I could get a pump
I hate having diabetes but I'm very brave about it anyway
I love to draw
I'm very concerned with fashion these days
I love my family
I miss my family that lives far away
I love to be hugged and have my back scratched


My favorite shirt right now

I love to be silly & make my family laugh

I am almost always smiling :)

A Little update on what I'm doing these days

Right now my favorite movie is Totoro
I love dancing
Helping daddy is one of my favorite things
I'm a daddy's girl
I have the cutest words for everyday things, like heartbeat is "heartbeep"
I love to be helpful around the house
I hate to help clean up
I bite my nails, but I'm trying to break this habit
I am a little budding artist
I love to try & read books
I say my own prayers all the time
I love primary & church
My feet are always cold so I love to wear socks
I'm a peacemaker


Oh how I love this little girl.

A little update on what I'm doing these days.

I wake up before anyone & cry for my cuppy
I love snuggles
I'm almost completely potty trained
I'm a mommas girl
I love to draw
play dough is my favorite
I like to swim like a mermaid every night when I'm in the tub
I love to "read" my board books
I love daddy to read to me
I can get undressed & put my clothes into the laundry all by myself
I have one volume & speed, loud & fast
I say my own prayers at night
My favorite thing to ask right now, Why?