There are several reasons I don't sleep well. Sometimes I stress about unfinished projects. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the long list of things I need to finish. Tonight it's because Sloan woke up with a sugar of 30. That's a scary number to have with a diabetic child. It's a number that would make you & I feel probably a little like death warmed over. I'm just guessing.
Sloan jumped up on Zoe' bed & was searching for "something that didn't make sense". Those were her exact words. At first I kinda freaked out & told her to knock it off, get off the bed, what the heck are you trying to do wake everyone up? Then I asked her to test her sugar. The low numbers are the worst. Highs stink too but the lows are hardest on her body. They do the most damage. I poured her some juice & she ate a cookie. She had a wild look in her eyes. That look scares me more than her uncontrolled temper during a high. It's in those moments she no longer knows whats going on.
She didn't know how she got into the kitchen or what she was doing. She was trying to drink from 3 different cups & I noticed she had blood all over her nose. I guess when she had tested her sugar her finger gushed & squirted all over her nose. It sorta looked like a crime scene. I heard the toaster pop. She had unknowingly toasted a piece of bread & taken the peanut butter out of the cupboard. I'm grateful she somehow remembered that she needed a protein along with the carbs. She tested her sugar again about 20 minutes later & was only 60. After the 2nd cookie I helped her wash the blood off her face. The wild look in her eyes had faded. I apologized for being grumpy with her. She thanked me & I told her how much I loved her. Then she went to sleep.
I'm getting ready to check her again when I'm done with this post but I can't help wondering.......does Sloan really know how much I love her? Do all of my children know just how much I adore them? Do I show it enough in my actions & with my words? Do they all know the joy that they bring to my life? Maybe they do, maybe there are days I show it & say it a little better than others. I still keep trying everyday to do things better than I did the day before.
There are many things that keep me up at night. Silly things. Worries that will not matter later on down the road. But these big questions are the ones I don't mind keeping me up. These are the things I should be thinking about. Because these people, my family, they are the most important things in my life. They are worth the worry & yes even a few sleepless nights.