Sunday, May 9, 2010

Motherhood::The Bitter With the Sweet

My mom & I September 1979

As I reflect on this weekend I would venture to say that motherhood is a little bitter & a whole lot of sweet. Let me enlighten you on the events that have led me to this conclusion. All weekend long my kids have been a little less than cheerful. Sometimes even downright grumpy. While cooking dinner last night I was met with this from my youngest. Mind you she is only two & a half.

Aris:: Mommy you need to leave this house!
Me:: Why?
Aris:: Because I need to find a new mommy for my daddy.
Me:: You don't want me for a mommy anymore?
Aris:: No! I need to find a new one!
Me:: Well I will be awfully sad if I have to leave.
Aris:: You need to leave.

So I told her goodbye & that I hoped she could find a better mommy very soon. Then I walked out the back door. As soon as I left I could hear the crying inside. Immediate tears & sobbing. I walked around to the front door where I was going to wait a few more minutes before I went inside but my heart couldn't take it any longer. I walked in on a sobbing & trembling little girl with her fingers in her mouth. This is what happened next.

Aris:: Mommy, never leave me!
Me:: Oh my sweet little Aris, I never will. You will always be my little girl. I love you too much. Even if I am ever far away, I will still be your mommy.

When I became a mom I never thought I would have so many tough decisions to make. Hard decisions. Always with the hope that these tough choices I make will benefit my little ones. Going though times like these, I am often reminded of hard choices my own mother made when I was young. I feel I finally have a small understanding of the sacrifice it takes to be a parent. Sometimes I feel as if I'm treading water. Other times I'm on cloud 9. This weekend I felt like I could barely keep my head above the waves, my heart filled with self doubt at this job called "Mom".

Then a crazy thing happened. All three of my children woke up this morning with runny noses & coughs. There was an explanation for all the grumpiness over the last few days. Never have I been so happy to see boogers. Now it all made sense. When the kids are sick they always want me to give them a little more attention. They wanted their mom. I got to snuggle Aris up all through sacrament meeting. When we came home Zoe sang a song over & over again about mother dear & her happy smiling face. Sloan helped to clean her room. Best of all my sweet husband fixed a lovely dinner & had flowers waiting for me when we came home from church. He always makes me feel so special as a wife & a mother. So I wasn't such a terrible mom. No one wanted to trade me in for a new model. They all still loved me and the best part was they needed me.

I know without the bitter moments of motherhood I would not be able to treasure the sweet moments that come along with it. Some of these bitter moments shake me right down to the bone. Leave me questioning why I was ever entrusted with these little ones. I worry that they will grow up to resent or begrudge me. Then I am reminded by the sweet arms of my children that this is what I'm meant to be doing. That sometimes being mom isn't all about fun & games. And I know with all my heart that there is no greater calling in this life than that of a mother. I am so grateful for a loving Great Grandmother that taught my Grandmother to be the sweet person she is. I'm thankful that she in turn raised a wonderful daughter who I can call my mom. I'm grateful for the chance to now take my turn at trying to be the best mother I can be. And I am hopeful that someday my daughters will carry on the grand tradition of motherhood. Hopefully with a little more grace than I have.

I'll take all aspects of motherhood, even the ones I never knew would be a part of this crazy ride called "Mom". Yes I'll even take the bitter with the sweet. Happy Mothers Day to all the sweet mothers in my life.


amylouwho said...

wonderful! I feel the same way. And totally inadequate most days. Seriously.

Happy Mother's day! xox

Vicky said...

Beautifully written; beautifully said!

Elissa said...

you just said everything i felt this weekend. thank you. except there was no sickness to explain my kids' behavior! truly though, this is what it is.

btw, i had a holly hobbie room too. :-)

karlamsmith said...

What a sweet story! Thanks for sharing. Being a mom is amazing!

Jen said...

What a perfect post! Loved it.

Dana - Old Red Barn Co. said...

well said. very well said!

Jason and Brianne Kjar said...

Thank you for your comments.

jend said...

Summer, this has to be my favorite post of all times. I'm sitting here at work wishing I had read it at home for the fact that I have tears built up in my eyes...but that's OK. It was beautiful and I loved every word of it! I hope you had a wonderful Mommy's Day!

Cordwood Cabin said...

A perfect Mother's Day story (in both a funny and sad way!) Hoping it was a beautiful Mother's Day for you in its beautiful-but-bittersweet glory.

Ruth said...

I hope that your family is feeling better soon. Mothering is about as tough as it gets. They keep you on your toes and melt your heart, too.